Compassion is active

There is a hierarchy of responses when we encounter suffering. Pity says, “I see your pain.” Sympathy      says, “I understand your pain.” Empathy says, “I feel your pain.” Compassion says, “I am with you in your  pain and I will help.” – Rabbi Esther Adler

At our most recent monthly meeting, Kansas Interfaith Action (KIFA) clergy considered the question of how to practice compassion toward our people while also firing them up for justice. Many of my colleagues serve politically divided congregations with grace and resilience. They find ways to preach compassion: sometimes as praise for loving actions and other times as a gentle redirection or even direct confrontation of hateful actions. One shared: “I’m a liberal in Kansas; I’m not going to win arguments. But I can make space for people to think more deeply. I can make space for people who have been excluded. And I do. Every congregation I’ve served is more LGBTQ-friendly now than when I met them.” The goal is to remember and remind people that all broken hearts matter — not just church decision-makers’, but also the outcasts’. My colleagues hold a strong vision of community where broken hearts are less common and there’s always enough love to go around. Though our theology differs in some ways, UUFM is a part of KIFA because we share their vision.

The conversation gave me yet another opportunity to be deeply thankful for UUFM as my ministry context. We have near consensus on the political issues of the day. Therefore, words in our pulpit that would seem outrageously prophetic elsewhere are simply preaching to the choir. Our spirituality of interdependence means that our compassion is universal, and we’re comfortable calling bullshit on oppression masquerading as efficiency, faith, or patriotism. This is one of our superpowers as a congregation. It is also one of our compassion practices. If compassion says, “I am with you in your pain and I will help,” then giving voice to the loud NO of the oppressed is a way to be with them in their pain and to help by advocating for justice.

Politically divided congregations have superpowers, too. They hold together across lines of difference that might feel like deal-killers to us. Working together with would-be opponents to count the offering and set up potlucks, they have the opportunity to develop different kinds of relationships than we do. Many UUs do this bridge-building work in other settings, and have developed their own individual superpower of compassion for the neighbor. I wonder how we might claim it as part of our collective identity.

In the words of our friend Pastor Caela Simmons Wood at First Congregational Church, 

I am more convinced than ever that the problems we face in our local communities and our nation can only be solved by people who are committed to deeply knowing and respecting their neighbors. We must know one another before we can work together for a more just world. And when our complex democratic systems are no longer functioning as they should, we need to be creative about how we care for one another — and that means working together with the people around us, not just making phone calls to some far away office in D.C.

At the service she led at UUFM last July, Pastor Caela invited us to participate in a neighboring challenge. More than 40 people from our three congregations (including our friends at Manhattan Mennonite) signed up! If you missed the challenge or lost the thread, read more below. The UUFM Social Action Team has also been using these practices to reach out to members within our congregation.

Compassion is active. It requires not just care, but willingness to help. And follow-through. As we embrace our identity as a congregation “envisioning and co-creating positive alternative futures” (see Board Chair Mac’s update this month), I expect we will further hone our skills to connect with those beyond our walls. Compassion will guide us as we keep finding new ways to say what we mean, listen to the stranger, and respond with hope and creativity.

Pastor Isabel

 

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NEIGHBORING POSSIBILITIES 

from Pastor Caela at First Congregation Church. She’s available to answer questions and hear about your experiences! And so am I.

 

1) Stopping by to say hello

Think of a person who you have been interested in getting to know but circumstances or other limitations have kept you from engaging. This could be a neighbor, a pew mate, the crossing guard in your neighborhood, etc. Write their name down.

Commit to yourself that you are going to engage them in a brief conversation. You might ask them where they are from, if they have kids where they go to school, what it has been like for them to live in Manhattan – favorite parts or hardest. If they dare, what is making things hard for them right now? What did their parents do for a living? How does their neighborhood compare to where they grew up? (Pro tip: maybe don’t ask them all these questions at once or they’ll be overwhelmed. These are just some ideas to consider for ongoing conversations!)

Bonus points: SAVE YOUR NEIGHBORS’ NUMBERS IN YOUR PHONE!

 

2) Getting together for coffee

Think of a person who you have been interested in getting to know but circumstances or other limitations have kept you from engaging. This could be a neighbor, a pew mate, the crossing guard in your neighborhood, etc. Write their name down.

Send them a text message: “This is Caela, and I am a member of First Congregational Church. We are doing a project where we are engaging more with our community to build relationships and understand what is going on with families. Don’t worry, we aren’t trying to save you, I have just found you to be an interesting person and I’d like to meet you for coffee one day in the next couple of weeks to get to know you better. Would you be up for that?” 

If you’re nervous about what to say at the coffee, check in with me. I’d be happy to share tips!

 

3) Low-stakes neighborhood gathering

Consider inviting 2 or more households in your neighborhood to get together for a low-key gathering. Could be something as simple as sprinklers/water balloons in your front yard or s’mores and a fire pit. If you want to get more creative, here are some ideas.

I recently attended a workshop with Dr. Marcia McFee, a worship designer. She talked about creating simple rituals for people in her neighborhood to participate in. At the New Year she put out a reflective activity where people could use candles and stones to give thanks for the previous year and prepare to move on to the new year. She was shocked at how many people participated and found it moving. If you’d like to create a ritual like this, let me know. I’d be happy to brainstorm!

 

4) Focus on new folks

Several people from military backgrounds have shared how incredibly exhausting it is to try and reconnect over and over again as they move. Both told me, “If you want to connect with military neighbors, just know that YOU will have to do it. They aren’t likely to reach out.” 

Who is new to your neighborhood? Might be military, a student, or just someone who’s moved across town. Connecting when they’re brand new is probably the lowest-hanging fruit. Take over a plate of cookies or a list of your favorite restaurants/coffee shops/home repair services and say hello. Don’t forget to GET THEIR PHONE NUMBER!

 

5) Creating an asset map of your neighborhood

Read this document on Asset Based Community Development (it also has a link to a longer document at the end — which is also excellent). Go on an asset scavenger hunt in your neighborhood. Take a clipboard and a pen and visit your neighbors. Use this script to engage with them, take notes, and create a map of your neighborhood:

“Hi, I’m Caela and I live down the street. I’m working on a project where I’m trying to get to know all my neighbors better. I’m asking people what gifts and skills they have so that when I hear of other people in our neighborhood who have a need, I might be able to connect them. Would you be willing to tell me about things you enjoy doing, things your good at, work/job skills, or other things you think might be useful to the neighborhood?”

NEED HELP WITH OPTION #3 or #5? Habitat for Humanity of the Flint Hills would love to help you set up a “front porch conversation” with your neighbors. They have expertise and are always looking for hosts. You’d invite your neighbors and they’d help you learn how to talk with them to learn more about them. If you’re interested, let Pastor Caela know!

If you try any of these, we’d love to hear how it goes. Share your experiences at https://bit.ly/neighboringchallenge.