Note from Pastor Isa

Circle ‘round for challenging conversations

    Circle ‘round for freedom, circle ‘round for peace,
    for all of us imprisoned, circle for release,
    circle for the planet, circle for each soul,
    for the children of our children, keep the circle whole.

At times like these, when our values are under attack and some of our so-called leaders are intent to divide and steal, it’s helpful to page through the UU hymnal. Singing reminds me what is important, especially when I sing together with you all. When we circle together around our shared values, we feel better, access collective power, and develop a sense of belonging. 

But unless we’re careful, a wall is formed unintentionally at our backs. All too often, the flip side of togetherness is exclusion. As universalists, we refuse to define our communities in this way. We circle ‘round our values, and then turn ‘round to invite more people in. 

Our Soul Matters reflection on this month’s theme insists that “the true blessing of inclusion is not that you get to come inside the circle; it’s that you get to participate in expanding it. As the circle grows, so do we.” Growth is more than getting more people in the door, though. Those of us who are already here must show up fully, which is sometimes hard work. It means committing to moving through conflict with respect and curiosity, affirming each other’s humanity even when we disagree, and welcoming ideas that challenge us. Otherwise, our circle is hollow. Newcomers feel that, and don’t stay.

The devastation of the new administration is that inclusive community institutions are being desecrated. The casualties are not just the people being excluded, but also the standards and ethics that hold those who remain accountable to healthy community practices. So what do we do about it? For guidance, I frequently revisit Daniel Hunter’s article, 10 ways to be prepared and grounded now that Trump has won. I am heartened by the four paths he lays out for us to choose among: Disrupt and Disobey, Protect People, Build Alternatives, and Defend Civic Institutions. Each of us may be attracted to some pathways more than others. Which speak to you? Which will UUFM follow?

I’m drawn to slow, healing, culture-changing, vision-rooted work of Building Alternatives. I get to do this work with other UUFM leaders as we design transparent and effective structures and processes to carry us into our inclusive vision. The past few months, I’ve been focused on the UUFM Covenant of Right Relations, which has helped many of us navigate conflict in this stressful time. Covenants are a set of promises, not a set of laws. Whereas a legal mindset hones in on behaviors that justify someone’s exclusion from community, a covenantal mindset orients us toward the positive things we can do to include ourselves and others. In a covenantal community, we’re available to hear each other’s stories and help each other recover from mistakes, as long as harm is acknowledged and repaired. At UUFM, we are weaving this mindset into our practices with each other, which requires both a shift in attitude and more structural support. The Board recently created the Right Relations Task Force. Now people experiencing harm or conflict within the congregation have a small group of Board members who meet monthly for the sole purpose of helping them find healing and resolution.

This is a positive change, not just because it helps us live better with each other in line with our values. It also helps us model alternatives and practice loving accountability, even as Trump dismantles structures we’ve long taken for granted. We are Building Alternatives, starting where we are.

There’s a productive tension between starting where we are while envisioning where we’re going. We are building alternatives for our community, but not just for the existing “us.” We need a structure that is accessible to all who hold our values, a structure that can grow and flex as new people with new needs join us. Building good alternatives requires a mindset of “pre-emptive radical inclusion,” that is, living as if all who belong here are already here. But why aren’t they here already? In this time of reckoning, when harm is amplified beyond our walls, we must be willing to learn new things about how to be a safe haven. We must be willing to investigate and let go of norms, habits, and practices that are harmful. We keep the circle whole by asking each member to stay in faithful dialogue, admit when they’ve made a mistake, and demonstrate commitment to growth. Of course the way we ask matters — and it’s no simple task. We must be kind, clear, and honest, and it’s an art. Our mainstream culture teaches us that it’s impolite to ask such difficult questions, and so we’re underskilled and frequently awkward. As UUs, we are called to create a different culture. It’s worth the effort. The bonds we forge through intentional inclusivity are much more powerful than the false belonging promised by fear, hate, and exclusion.

We’ve got a lot of hard conversations ahead of us in this time of woe. It will be difficult to choose a collective action, and not all of us will agree. But there’s no getting around it. Our call as Unitarian Universalists is to include all voices but keep moving toward the horizon. In this way, we’ll attract and become the leaders demanded by this moment.

Pastor Isabel

From 10 ways to be prepared and grounded now that Trump has won